I want to foster my step-granddaughter and it is dredging up my painful past
DEAR DEIDRE: FOSTERING my step-granddaughter is dredging up my painful past.
I’m 50 and have been with my partner for ten years.
We’re now raising my five-year-old step-granddaughter and have begun the process of applying for a fostering order.
However, social services have hindered the process due to a domestic issue I had with my ex.
I was arrested for an allegation she fabricated ten years ago.
It was proven false in court, and no further action was taken.
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Now they are saying we need to complete some courses to foster my step-granddaughter, despite the fact she has lived with us for 11 months.
The courses includes therapy, which has brought up memories of the abuse I suffered with my ex.
It’s the reason why our marriage ended in divorce – I had to leave her because I couldn’t cope any more.
It was then she made the horrendous accusations that were investigated.
The therapy sessions are making me an emotional wreck as I try to confront what has happened to me.
I’ve begun to feel isolated and haven’t told my partner how I’m feeling, as she’s stressed about the obstacles we’ve hit during the fostering process.
I’m worried I’m a lost cause, and these false allegations may prevent my partner from getting custody.
How do I stop these feelings?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s totally understandable this level of scrutiny will make you uncomfortable but it’s only right that social services do everything they can to ensure this child has a stable home life.
Rather than see this a personal attack, try to see the extra checks as good for this little girl and your whole family.
In the meantime, keep attending your therapy sessions.
It’s really important that you speak to your therapist about your feelings at the moment.
Talking the thoughts through will only benefit you.
Tell them you are worried that you could be used as a reason to prevent your partner from gaining custody of her granddaughter.
The therapist will help you address these feelings.
My pack on counselling has more information on how it works.
You can also speak to FASO, False Allegations Support Organisation (false-allegations.org.uk), who may be able to help you come to terms with the fake claims against you.
I do hope that these necessary checks will soon be complete and that you will soon be able to focus on caring for this child.