Dear Deidre
DEAR DEIDRE: As if cheating on my girlfriend wasn’t bad enough, I stupidly let the other woman film us having sex.
Now my girlfriend has seen the video, dumped me, and shown it to all her friends - who are laughing at the size of my penis!
I’m 24 and my now ex-girlfriend is 23. We met at university and were together for five years.
Last summer holiday, I went abroad. While I was there, I met a woman.
She clearly had the hots for me, but I loved my girlfriend and kept knocking her back.
But one night, I had far too much to drink. I ended up back at her place.
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She turned out to be really wild and wanted to have sex all night, in various positions, using toys. It was a huge turn-on.
Regrettably, I agreed to let her film us on her phone. Even more stupidly, I didn’t make sure she deleted it afterwards.
A week later I flew home and, even though I felt guilty, carried on with my girlfriend.
I didn’t keep in touch with my ex-lover, and blocked her.
I thought my girlfriend would never find out.
Fast forward to the present and someone has sent a link to an amateur porn site to my girlfriend, saying she needed to watch a video.
It was the ‘film’ my ex-lover had made of us having sex that night. She’d uploaded it.
My devastated girlfriend immediately broke up with me.
Almost worse, all her friends have seen it too. Some of them have been laughing at my penis and technique in bed.
How can I get over this and win my girlfriend back?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You didn’t behave well, but nobody deserves to be the victim of revenge porn - which is what this is.
However, as it happened abroad, whether or not you can take legal action may depend on the laws of the country this woman lives in.
It’s wise to take advice from the Revenge Porn Helpline (revengepornhelpline.org.uk, tel: 0345 6000 459) who can also help you deal with the impact of this.
As for your ex-girlfriend, she must be extremely hurt and embarrassed. I’m sorry to say, now that she has shown all her friends what you’ve done, it’s unlikely she will lose face by taking you back.
But it’s worth trying to contact her to tell her how you feel.
My support pack, Cheating, Can You Get Over It?, might help you.